Let me first off state that I have no clue why I am coherent right now. Its 530 in the morning and I've maybe gotten an hour's worth of sleep all night.
This lack of sleep inevitably leads to emotional trauma which furthers my inability to sleep.
On any other morning, I'd be waking up in an hour and a half to go snowboarding. I'm still planning to do such. I probably won't get to sleep until after midnight tonight, thanks to work. This is going to make for one hell of a day. At least I won't be working in such a stressful situation tonight. But I'm not quite sure where I'm going to get the strength from to keep going.
I'm losing focus.
I'm losing heart.
Its definitely time to be headed back to something solid. Like college. I need that structure back in my life.
This... whatever this is, is somehow getting me down. Into a rut. Once, I used to be able to get out of this rut. But years have worn it so deep that I begin to question whether I'll be able to get out this time. I fear that someday, I won't. And I'll be stuck in my stupid sea of turmoil. In my slowly sinking boat.
But its all so stupid. Because there isn't really a rut. I won't get stuck in any seas. and there certainly isn't a sinking boat.
Its all wrapped up in the world of "might-have-been".
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