Two steps forward, one step back

It really upsets me that I've come so far along in this process, but I'm still oh so far. I'd thought that counseling would help, but in the wise words of one of my dearest friends "you were like, sistah can you lend me a cork for my sinking boat, and they were like, honey... so sorry but all we can do is bail you out a bucketful." I need a long term fix. I'm sick of my short term fixes getting me nowhere. I mean, I feel so great about myself, but at the end of the day, I still get a "have a good one ma'am/ladies". I hate to "hate", but I'm getting screwed over by the "androgynous lesbians" out there. People tend to see an androgynous person dressed in guy clothes and think "dyke". Sorry, but no. I dress in guy clothes, bind my chest, go to a HECK of a lot of work to look like a guy, BECAUSE I want to be see as such. Its discouraging that the world doesn't quite work like that.

I think I need more scruff. More edges. Even though I'm off of birth control, my face is too round to be naturally "male". It provides just enough of that androgynous look to make me vaguely female. But I can't get scruff until I buck up and talk to the 'rents. Go see a psychiatrist. Figure out the getting hormones thing. Its a lot to put on my plate.

I spend so much time worrying about this that I fear it'll start to affect my schoolwork. I'm already wasting time blogging about this when I need to write a history paper.

Bah. Two steps forward, one step back.