Goals

Hey, its Jon again.

I'm setting some goals for myself.

1. Talk to my parents by the end of spring break.

1.5 Also, file my taxes by the end of spring break.

2. find a psychiatrist by summer.

3. +3 months after finding a psychiatrist, start taking hormones.

4. Be more confident about myself

5. Test drive my name being Jonathan in preparation for:

6. Start going by Jonathan at the beginning of fall semester 2010

7. Talk to my parents about getting a legal name/sex change (tbd)

8. double mastectomy (time on this is tbd, especially since this is a significant amount of $$)

9. Actually go through with the legal changes (sometime in the next 30 years?)

10. Finding someone to spend the rest of my life with, who'll accept me for my flaws, my changes, my oddness and my genetic shortcomings (this is questionable)

Amen...

Amen brother....

Two steps forward, one step back

It really upsets me that I've come so far along in this process, but I'm still oh so far. I'd thought that counseling would help, but in the wise words of one of my dearest friends "you were like, sistah can you lend me a cork for my sinking boat, and they were like, honey... so sorry but all we can do is bail you out a bucketful." I need a long term fix. I'm sick of my short term fixes getting me nowhere. I mean, I feel so great about myself, but at the end of the day, I still get a "have a good one ma'am/ladies". I hate to "hate", but I'm getting screwed over by the "androgynous lesbians" out there. People tend to see an androgynous person dressed in guy clothes and think "dyke". Sorry, but no. I dress in guy clothes, bind my chest, go to a HECK of a lot of work to look like a guy, BECAUSE I want to be see as such. Its discouraging that the world doesn't quite work like that.

I think I need more scruff. More edges. Even though I'm off of birth control, my face is too round to be naturally "male". It provides just enough of that androgynous look to make me vaguely female. But I can't get scruff until I buck up and talk to the 'rents. Go see a psychiatrist. Figure out the getting hormones thing. Its a lot to put on my plate.

I spend so much time worrying about this that I fear it'll start to affect my schoolwork. I'm already wasting time blogging about this when I need to write a history paper.

Bah. Two steps forward, one step back.

Test

So I'm trying something out here.

In order to keep my trans-posts separate from my well... for lack of a better term, non-trans-posts, I've created a separate identity.

Same person, different name. In fact, the name I'll have when I get around to changing the my gender. Eventually. Just to clarify the confusion.

Bear with me for the change. :D

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Has it really been a year already?
It seems like yesterday that I got the phone call.
It seems like yesterday that i was scrambling, trying to find a way back home.
I miss you Ryan.
You give me so much inspiration.