Lying

I hate having to lie. Yet I do it nearly every day. Whether its to the stranger or family member asking about the man in my life, or the close friend asking what's wrong. Its in my nature to be a closed book. Letting someone in... divulging my secrets... that's a scary thought.
I don't know who I'm kidding. No one close to me truly cares. I could be freer with how I feel.

All this just seems kind of pointless now.
But is it wrong to fear that I'll never get another woman if I transition? Is it wrong to put it all off because I want to hold onto the happiness that I have now? I'm so confused, and I'm trying to weigh everything the best I can.

??

There are a million other things I could be doing right now. And still, I'm sitting at my laptop trying to organise my thoughts enough to post a new blog. I have no clue why. This blog operates on a need basis. Its here when I need it, and I forget about it when I don't. Its funny how it works like that.
But I don't need my blog right now. I'm happier than I've been in a while. More at peace with myself than I ever could have dreamed. I think I'm just compelled to write.

It occurred to me that I haven't sat down to write in a long while. Perhaps that's what's drawn me back.
This is going to be a short blog update. I'm sure I'll be back again before I leave for university.