Sometimes I feel like I'm choking without gravity, losing all sense of time, trying to escape, but inevitably just moving closer to that which humanity fears most.

Which is what?

What do you as a human fear the most?  I am searching for that answer.

Not what HUMANS fear most, but what does humanity as a whole and as an individual fear most.

Thus far I've heard finals, and death.  Very valid answers.

Who in their right mind isn't afraid of such?

You know what I am afraid of?

Time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The leaves rustled in the breeze
bringing forth memories forgotten
the soul sprung free of its worldly chains
released to wander as it will

The soul of a nation
long gone from this world
returns with a vengeance
To punish those who scorned

Folk flee before its wrath
Frightened of the inevitable
but what is more worthy
The creator, or the destroyer?

The creator, the ultimate builder
one who holds the key to existence
in an instant, he can give everything
in the next, he can withhold the most valuable

The destroyer, the ultimate wrecker
the one who holds the key to chaos
in an instant, he can dissolve the most stable
in the next, he can grant brief amnesty

Who does the wind fear
the one who can take just as easily as give
the one who things nothing of destroying 
or are they one and the same

Could the wind perhaps
released the greatest demon of all
forgotten in the stream of time
gathering strength in the abyss

He will click his hands
and the world shall moan
the unfettered master
The King of Time

Being a Bum

I've always had this dream of trying to make my way in the world by being "homeless" for a summer.  Just to see what it is like.  I'm not sure I could do it.  Give up everything to become a bum?  Spend no money, buy very little.  I admit I don't think I could make it.

For one, I don't know where I'd even go.  Washington DC?  NYC?  some other large city?  Perhaps I'd find a job, to work off whatever debts I have.

The only thing stopping me?  Fear.  I don't think I could do it.  Fear of what my friends and family would think.  It would give me such a weird rep.

On Holidays

Here we stand, on the brink of the holidays.  The light at the end of the tunnel.  The only thing left standing in our way...a series of tests, known to college students as FINALS, or better yet, Hell.  They cannot block us from Thanksgiving, a mere week away, but they loom overhead, a constant reminder of the 24-hour a day quiet hours waiting passively in our future.  We have hours of studying to look forward to.  Stress, and tense friends.  Who knows what craziness will occur.

Then finally.  Freedom.  Dorm checkouts.  A month utterly devoid of all intelligent conversation and school.  Winter holidays.  Time to relax; kick back; rekindle friendships.  Hang out with your parents (what an idea!).  Skiing.  Golf.  Concerts.  Roaring fires.

All too soon, the calendar flips.  A new year.  The days roll by, and the laziness bids us farewell.  Brains struggle to come off of stand by.  Unpacking.  Working off the pounds gained from homecooked meals.  Settling back into the day-to-day routine, with some changes.  

Praying for the light at the end of the tunnel four months away.

See what we have to look forward to in the Holidays?

On Identity

I don't believe that Identity is something that one can simply know.  It is certainly something which is fluid, like the tides, forever changing with the the ever altering landscape.  The expanse of life if you will.  Forever.  Changing.

Disillusioned

Autumn tides have given cause for thought.  I feel that time has passed by so rapidly.  It seems that only yesterday, I began my journey of enlightenment.  Instead it has been shy of three months since I set foot on campus, burdened by artifacts from the outside world.

What a child I was then, full of disillusioned thoughts and false hopes.  How different today is.

and yet, today is not so different.  It still seems that disillusionment lurks in the corners of the mind.  Threatening to nibble on the tattered edges of our worn souls.  Whispering false secrets in our thoughts.

Now is the time to break free.  The time to find truth in all that we live and believe in.

It is our time to live.  Our time to thrive.

So lets do it.

Physical Constraints

Oddball-ish title, yes.

But there is a point, I promise.  But it is not relevant to the title.

Someone made this, and I thought it was phenomenal.  

So please read it.  and think hard.

Hello (your name here)

i am human.

I am no different than everybody.

i have feelings and emotions.

i feel, touch, see, hear, smell.

there is nothing wrong with me.

I am gay.

please understand.

thank you.

Tonight, Tonight

....is actually pretty good.

Its been a thrilling weekend.  I didn't learn anything productive, but it was just so overwhelmingly busy.

Firstly, Saturday was devoted to marching band, 7am until 2am the next morning.  It was absolutely mad.  Needless to say, things were very tiring, and I slept well the next night.  Until 11am in fact.  It was so relieving.  

I then proceeded to spend the ENTIRE day finishing homework.  Except for the part where I went to the gym to play racquetball and go rock climbing.  And the part where I left my dorm at 7 to go eat, and ended up chilling in someone's dorm, playing pool and swapping music.  It is now 11.30.  I still have not gone home.   I should finish my lab report, but I will probably go to sleep when I get home, putting off the paper until tomorrow.  It's due at 7pm tomorrow.  But I have faith that I will finish it.  And turn it in tomorrow morning when I'm up at ISAT for CHEM 131/132 at 8am.

Seriously though.  Enough being down with my life.  Things are goin' great, and they're only gettin' better.  :)

There Is No Day (cont)

No day better to make a change

To shed an identity

To take up the mantel of a new person.

To colour over the old lies

To be my own person.

You think you know me, but you know nothing of what I have become

You may have known me, but I am a stranger to you now.

For I have seen the future and I know what lies ahead

I am... a living reminder of folly.

I'm not really sure how this came up.  It just did.  I suppose it has something to do with typical teenage angst.  That was certainly experienced last night.  I very strongly dislike having to tell people that something is wrong in my life.  It takes away from my ability to care for myself.  I hate letting people take care of me; hate being weak.

Its a problem, but I feel like it takes away from my inner strength.  

But when life's problems come crashing down around you... there's not much you can do, but sit and cry.

I had a heart-to-heart with a couple people last night.  They tried to make me feel better, tried to fix my problems.  But I do not want to be fixed.

I dislike how people think that I will come home from college the same person who left.  I cannot ever be that person again, no matter how much I may or may not want to.  I've left that person behind in the dust.  

The end.

Theres No Day

Sometimes...you just don't know what to write.

Coming back to this later...

Prelude

Greetings all.  

This is not to be confused with my other blog, The Grande Quest, which was created solely for the purpose of documenting preparations for Europe.

Instead, this will document life, and random musings.  Its a soul-reflection piece.

I might add in some poetry, and short stories; but only if I feel so inclined.  But I most likely will.  I enjoy sharing my writings.

Welcome to the labyrinth expanse of my mind.  

Enjoy your stay.