22 weeks

Yesterday was 22 weeks. I feel like I'm running out of new things to say.
All I'm really doing now is trying to get paperwork in order to legally change my name, looking at surgeons to schedule top surgery with and desperately trying to grow a beard.
Not all that exciting if you ask me. Its nothing new.

ooops?

Guess I haven't posted here in a while.
I should really get back to straight up blogging rather than being on Tumblr all the time.

But let me get you up to speed.
This friday will mark 20 weeks on T. 5 months. Wow. In that time, my voice has dropped significantly, and I've had to start shaving my face. I've put on a lot more muscle and generally taken on the habits of a teenage/pubescent boy. aka, sleeping lots and eating lots.
My dad has come around to the fact that I'm his son, and we're working towards helping his family be ok with it too (i'm writing a letter to send to them, explaining everything). I'm hoping to legally change my name soon.
I've been dating a really great boy for the past two and a half months, and its made my transition a bit easier because he's so supportive. Who would have thought I'd be dating a guy again (considering the last guy I dated was during my freshman year of high school... so about 6 years ago).

Continuous fail at blogging

Well, its two days until Christmas and so much as been achieved since my last post.
Tomorrow, I will be 3 weeks on T. It was really frustrating how long it took to actually get on T, but I feel so much better now that I've started. I can't wait to start seeing changes in my physical appearance. Even more so, I can't wait until my menstrual cycle stops.
As of now, I don't really see many changes. There was a slight increase in appetite, but nothing major. I've also put on some muscle, but that's likely due to the fact that my wrist is finally feeling strong enough after I broke it this summer.
I need to buy a new binder or two this year, because my old one is wearing out.
Over all it's been an exciting two months.

Update

Wow, so I fail at keeping up with this blog. My bad.

A week ago, I reached 3 months of therapy, which qualified me to start T. I'll be starting a little over a month from now.

At the same time, it seems like every day I'm fighting off the onslaught of dysphoria and depression.

I'm still balancing on the edge of a knife.

But its going to get better

Strength

These past two weeks have been a real test of patience and strength.

On a positive note, I'm three sessions shy of starting T. Three more weeks. Actually, I think my therapist is going to make me wait 4 more weeks and start around October 12th like planned. But a guy can dream right?

Lord knows I need that dream right now.

On a more negative note, its not even the second week of classes and I'm already reeling from the shock of two deaths of people close to me.

A guy that I marched with in high school committed suicide a little over a week ago, which was a huge shock to everyone. The guy was always so positive, and happy and no one could have seen it coming.

And then Friday night I got a call from my Mum telling me that my Grandad had passed away. Its weird, because we all expected him to outlive us all. He was such a youthful healthy guy. We're not even sure what killed him. A heart attack, stroke or maybe and aneurism?

I'm taking the death of my grandad really hard. I'm the oldest grandkid and its hard to know that both he and my grandmum (who passed 10 years ago) are both gone. Both my mum's parents. Its awful, and the loss is really stressing me out.

I'm going to need strength now more than ever. I'm trying to hold fast to what I have.

I'm roughly one month shy of starting T right now.

I apologise for the short post, but I have ridiculous amounts of homework to do.

I'm getting bad about remembering to blog again. But this time its because I got a Tumblr, and I'm doing a lot from there.

jdclouston.tumblr.com

But I feel like I'll still post from here a fair bit. This medium gives me a fair amount of space to type long emotional entries.

Today is my 8th therapy session I think, and my Dad is coming with me. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I feel like its going to help him to hear about all of this from a source that isn't me. I know he wants to be able to support me, but he just doesn't know how.