Youth

My dad recently turned a bunch of VHS tapes that I got from my grandparents to DVDs. I finally got around to watching them today.

Seeing myself as a baby girl is so... weird. So strange to see myself in dresses and pink frilly things. Its almost like its not even really me. I recognize myself in as the child in the unisex onsies, but in the dresses... its like a stranger is standing in for me.

Even weirder is seeing my parents together. I cannot recall a time when they were together, I only have photos and now these videos. What a mindblowing thing to be sure.

Growing Up

There's a time in everyone's life where they realize that its time to grow up and bear some responsibility for their actions.
I think I hit that point today.
Not that I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions before, but I just realized that its time for me to grow up. Focus on life and moving forward rather than staying stagnant.
Its time to find some new friends who will help me with this quest, because I need to branch out a bit more.
I need to stop chasing, and start living MY life.

:D

Suddenly I'm feeling a lot better. Much better than I've felt in a long long time.

I know exactly why, and exactly who to thank. And I think she knows who she is.

I'm truly thankful that we're friends again. :D I'm glad she knows me so well and knows just what I need to hear (which is generally the straight up truth).

I'm too nice of a guy to get fucked over by life.

and as a wise person (whom I first met by the library, then again at a party) once told me, "have a good relationship with yourself. That's the most important thing. You can't hope for a relationship of any kind with someone else if you don't have a good relationship with yourself".

and I plan to.

Moving forward.

Its just Life

My goals for the next little while:

1. Guys bathrooms? need to get used to using them.

2. Just passing as a guy in general. Flat chest and making it look like I've got a dick ftw!

3. Continue to talk to my parents.

4. Talk to Ted about talking to people in Richmond

5. Heterosexual sex wtf? yeaaah.

interesting list... yes. TMI? probably. But.... hahahahahahaaha. Win.

Untitled

Sometimes I wish you realized that you were as beautiful as I think you are.
Sometimes I wish you realized that I don't want to jump your bones 24/7, I'm just becoming head over heels for you.
Sometimes I wish I could get over you, because I feel like you're getting over me.
I wish I wasn't so out of the loop. I'm just trying to be a gentleman. Because that's what you deserve.

Blah Day

I have a dream that I'll look like this someday....

Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to go through with this on my own.

Most days I think so, but there are those days when I'm not so sure.

Today is one of those days.

Some days I'm so excited and proactive, but other days I wonder if its worth all this effort. All this pain.

I'm reliving the difficulties of coming out. While in my circle of friends things are progressing nicely, things are stalled at the family end.

I'm excited that I may be seeing a therapist soon. So I can say with confidence, THIS is what's going on with my life. I hope that you can support me.

I'm a little depressed to not be able to have a shirtless summer yet. I can't wait for that day.

I also can't wait for the day my voice drops.

and the day when I shave for the first time.

But thinking about how far I have yet to go is a little daunting at times.

Sorry... its just been an off day.

Spring Break

Taking a break from the monotony of "trans" stuff.
After all, I'm in Utah for spring break. So for a week, I'm focusing on snowboarding.
I'm not going to stress about the little things. Like school, women, gender, sickness.
There is only me, my snowboard and some sick powder to shred.
The weather is predicting lots of snow. I can't wait.