Change and Summer

So... summer's pretty emo-tastic. Not necessarily in a bad way, but its just this solid block of time where one thinks too much about... well everything.

I wrote a bunch of random crap at work today, so I'll copy and paste it from Word.

I am afraid of change. Just like I am afraid of the unknown. Sometimes the two are one and the same, sometimes change is just reverting back to what once w as.

It’s a silly thing, living in fear. But it blocks me from doing a lot of things in life that I ought to.

I don’t fear all change, just… Change. Not the individual stuff, but the inevitability.

But fearing inevitability is difficult when you vow to have no regrets. Sometimes, I feel that living with no regrets is a pipe dream. I guess it comes from the theory that if you live each day, each moment as your last, you’ll never regret anything. But still I try.

[Insert crap that no one can read cause its too personal. Basically stuff about my recent regrets that I can't help]

and now for my emo-tastic poem.

"Falling"

Smashed into a million pieces

Gravity has taken its toll

Seemingly innocent at first

The insanity started with a jump

A leap of faith perhaps

Trying to trust again

But knowing deep down

This was futile from the first

Hands clasped so tight

Reminiscent of skydivers

Wind warping faces

Into clown smiles

Mid-air acrobatics

Flipping, whirling in free fall

Ever aware of altitude

Yet the end is still far off

Checking watches

Checking height

The joy rapidly slowing

As the ground rushes near

Cocksure smiles apiece

Ready to pull the cord

But one chute is not packed right

And one cannot carry two

Drag pulls one up

As the colored chute deploys

The other, a victim

of perishing in free fall

Waking Up

When I wake up in the morning, I am completely myself for fifteen minutes.

That's how long it takes me to roll out of bed, check my email and gather clothes for a shower. Then I look in the bathroom mirror and the illusion is shattered.

After that, I'm just the girl in the mirror, not the person I woke up as.

Maybe some day I'll wake up, roll out of bed, check my email and head to the shower only to look in the mirror and see the person that I wake up as.

but that endeavor could take a lifetime.

Trips

yay for trips to visit friends!!

Woooo!!!

yay for trips to visit awkward friends. :)

The end!